Saturday, March 8, 2025

E.P.W.S.

 
...the greatest advertising slogan ever invented.
  

The above is an indoor putting green I bought a year ago.  It's basically a few boards cobbled together and some green fabric.

You putt on the fabric, hopefully drop the golf ball in one of the 2 holes, and it's returned to you.

It's completely analog - no power source, no internet connection, no virtual reality - which means you actually have to do something.

Physical.

In the real world.

This automatically excludes pretty much everyone born after 1990 - 

"Do I really want to shell out my hard earned simoleans for something you don't even turn on?"

- so the manufacturer wanted to put some compelling advertising on the package to entice the modern buyer.

Deep in thought, caught on the horns of a dilemma, the punter suddenly spots the clincher, tucked away in the upper right corner of the package:


EPWS...that's it!

[Advertisers know "environment" has become one of those unassailable sacred cows against which no argument can succeed.

They could have also gone with "climate", but that particular trigger word comes with some scary baggage...


...so "environmental protection" it is!]

At first blush it might seem to be a non sequitur, a completely unrelated statement as pertains to putting greens.

My advice:  don't break your brain trying to understand all the scientific intricacies of how this wood and cloth contraption protects the environment, or even how it can achieve that noble goal sans stink.

The key to your enlightenment is acceptance.

In the absence of intellectual comprehension, it becomes as an article of faith:

"This putting green does in fact protect the environment diligently, faithfully, odorlessly and for that we should give our thanks (and $$s)."

Henceforth, remember...when you need to sway the stubbornly skeptical with an argument so ingenious it's impervious to rebuttal:

ESWP.

No wait, that's ESPW.  Dang it!  EPSW?

Ah forget it; you know I mean.


Week #1 of the Crying Man diet...


...is in the books, and Karen reminded me this is our 12th year in a row of willfully subjecting ourselves to this ritual torture.

Weighed in at 211 and managed to shed 5 lbs without resorting to any form of amputation or surgery.

But let's face it...the 1st week is always the easiest.

You've set your mind to the task at hand, commitment is high, determination has not yet been buffeted by the harsh winds of deprivation...

O come to me in my dreams, Thou Sweet Forbidden Promise of Culinary Delight!

...and your certain collision with The Wall is yet future.

So while we may not have breezed through it, we held our own, we're still standing.

And this year we have another arrow in our quiver with which to fight the enemy:


Ok, so "fun" may be a slight exaggeration, but so far this daily workout routine has been ok and seems to be helping.

In my younger days I would have laughed to scorn...


...anyone touting this as a "real" workout.

Marching?  Step back punches?  Knee taps?  Shade pulldowns?

we may need to focus on our arms and legs a bit more

Puh-leez.

However, as I near the close of my 7th decade topside of planet earth, there's no denying my youth has fled like a coward before the schoolyard bully of advancing years.

Sadly, as it hit the exit it took with it those glorious days of 2 hour weight lifting workouts.



Nowadays I settle for an exercise bike and a Total Gym, so this Walkfit program suits us pretty well.

And it’s not as bad as those “walking like a dork” routines from the 80’s...


...when people swung their arms wildly as they double timed it down your sidewalk -

"Mommy, what are they doing?"

"Never mind sweetie, just don't make eye contact."

but I'm afraid it does shade itself under the same family tree.

As long as no one sees us doing it, I think we'll be okay.

It's bad enough our cats are witnesses - I can tell they’re questioning our position in the pecking order - but so far they haven't told anyone.


We hope.


Before you parachute to safety from the living heckhole that is the AMC, you still have to level up on 23 Skidoo...

that's Ukraine's ambassador Oksana Markarova wishing for a different life as Zelenskyy sabotages his countrymen and proves he's as pointless as that extra "y" in his last name.  <way to listen to the dems, Z!>


I can dream, can't I?


it's been a few years so we decided to re-watch all of the Downton Abbey seasons.  look at that cast of characters!  writer / creator Julian Fellowes endowed each with their own unique history and personality, then seamlessly blended them all together into one overarching, coherent story...amazing.


you have relatives who need this lifesaving procedure performed on them.  they're choking to death intellectually on the garbage media.


karen snapped this pic of an early march sunrise while herding cats this week. "are you EVER going to take down the Christmas lights??"  there.  I said it for you.


it looks cold because it is - yes, that's ice on the little pond.  desperate men, doncha know.  but hey, the snow's gone...for now, anyway.




I'm reading through Ecclesiastes in my devotions at the moment.


I firmly believe God included it in His Word as a pointed warning of what life is without "God sense":

A confusing, repetitive, contradictory existence "under the sun".

It's all horizontal, no vertical relationship.

I once heard an atheist college professor claim this was the only book of the Bible he actually understood, and that makes perfect sense.

It's a completely accurate rendering of The Preacher's thought process as he despairs over the pointlessness of achievement, success, wealth, power.

"Vanity of vanities," he laments cynically, "all is vanity!"

Throughout his "trial and error" life journey The Preacher records his observations, and he learns.

By the end of this travelogue - which God in His wisdom preserved for our benefit - The Preacher finally rises above his "life under the sun", "vanity of vanities" limitations and arrives at his destination:


Truth.

later, mcm fans...



Saturday, March 1, 2025

May Not Look Like Much...

 
...but in my world, this is a glorious sight.  

Ain't pretty, but after a long winter that's a little bit o' paradise right there.

In no time I'll be outside swinging my hickories and embarrassing myself again.

too soon?

Can't wait.

in honor of it being March 1st, the AMC is officially changing seasons.  don't care what anyone says, <it's spring!>  no, really; it is.


Had a minor setback with my wooden subset / ringer box for my candlestick phone:


After lots of tinkering and advice from a couple of antique phone enthusiasts, we've finally concluded it's simply the 100+ year old wiring/components:


One of the guys I've been talking to is currently in Arizona for the winter but asked me to send him the subset when he's back home in April.

The bells work, but the induction coil and/or the condenser could be suspect.

I may just try replacing the 9 old wires with new and see what happens.

Until then I'm back to my metal subset/ringer box...

gotta admit, that polished black bakelite and metal is a classy look

...which works fine.


I've had an increasingly ominous feeling of nameless disquietude creeping over me for the last couple of months.

Aye, it's an ill wind that's been a-blowin' and today I finally realized why:


Yep, it's the annual return of Crying Man And The Dreaded Diet, slated to begin on Monday.

Not positive what my starting point will be - I still have a couple of days to cram moon pies and cream puffs down my gullet -

2 of each please, and a large coffee with a shot of espresso
 
- but I'm predicting somewhere around 212 lbs.

And as usual, the goal is to lose 15 lbs or so.

I'm hoping for rapid success, because past experience has shown it doesn't take too long before Crying Man morphs into...

"Hey!  I'm getting sick of this diet!"
- I.M. Yelling

...followed shortly thereafter by...

"That's it, I'm having a cheeseburger and pity the fool that tries to stop me!"
- Angry Man

Yeah, that guy.


Not much shakin' in the 23 Skidoo department this week, to wit:

starting to break winter's iron grip

there's normally a flagpole in the middle of that shot, but 50+ mph winds caused me to remove it for now

Ol' Man Winter may have taken one on the chin, but it's def still heating season

just because I like it


part of Karen's Crocus Hall teapot collection



Even though March is <nulla magna quatit>, it's really nice to finally be done with February.

We're still at least a month away from consistently nicer weather, but soon we'll be enjoying longer days and warmer temps.

Plus March is also the namesake month for a <distant relative> of mine...


...though as a general rule we don't speak of him.

Now, as you rush the exits, please to ponder this eternal truth:


later, mcm fans...




Friday, February 21, 2025

Did A Little Telephonic Surgery...


...this week...changed out the T1 transmitter on my candlestick phone (like the above)...


...for a "bulldog transmitter".

Note the flatter, wider profile of the mouthpiece compared to the original protruding one.

Much better looking, IMO.

But the real reason for that change wasn't cosmetic.

The transmitter inside the black bulldog housing is a T1 element, same as the old one...


...but the old one was barely functional.

The new T1 works great and the quality of the audio that people hear on the other end of the line now is much improved.

Couldn't be happier with the outcome.

In addition I swapped out the metal subset/ringer box for this period correct wooden one:


Many thanks to Richard Rose, proprietor of <Ericofon.com> who supplied the bulldog transmitter, helped me with wiring the subset/ringer box...


...and provided lots of great information about antique phones in general.

If you have an interest in vintage phones - and if you don't, for crying out loud, develop one - visit his site, and its sister site <Memory Lane Telephones>

Great stuff at good prices.


You know what really excites me?


It's sad to have arrived at the age when the near proximity of a crappy month like March seems like a <raison de célébrer> but just think of it:

In a week we'll have escaped the armpit of winter!

a rare visible sunrise this month.  so far we've had snow on 20 out of 22 days.

And while it's true, March isn't much to write home about in terms of gorgeous weather, it's got one great big beautiful quality you have to admire:

It ain't February!

So full speed ahead to the time change...


...St. Paddy's Day...

hey, wait a minute...that's not St. Patrick...

...and finally, <Blessed Spring>

Calvin and Hobbes perform the <danse du printemps>!

If that doesn't get you excited, you need to check your pulse.


In the "surely they jest" department, have you smelled the latest putrefaction oozing from the legacy media?

According to noted historian and arbiter of state approved truth, CBS' Margaret Brennan...

...the Holocaust was caused by - wait for it - free speech.

I kid you not.

Think about that for a minute.

This is not some obscure liberal moron (redundancy alert) ranting on X.

This is the moderator of an iconic - and in halcyon days of yore, respected - political TV show, Face The Nation.

So here we have what resembles an adult human being who...

* is allegedly college educated;
* appears to be of sound body, if not mind;
* shows no signs of being coerced;  - yet -

...actually claims on live TV that the state sanctioned slaughter of 6 million Jews was caused by free speech.

Don't believe me?

I almost can't blame you.  No one can really be that dumb...can they??

To see for yourself, turn fatuity deflector shields to max power, set phasers to stun, and proceed at your own risk: 


You can be forgiven if you rushed the exits early; attempting to swallow Brennan's guano de toro causes severe asininity reflux.

The key part of Secretary of State Marco Rubio's response is this:

"Free speech was not used to conduct a genocide.

"The genocide was conducted by an authoritarian Nazi regime that happened to also be genocidal because they hated Jews...

"...there was no free speech in Nazi Germany — there was none.

"There was also no opposition in Nazi Germany.

"They were the sole and only party that governed that country, so that's not an accurate reflection of history. "

Seriously: how is this woman still employed?

Kudos to SOS Rubio for giving a calm, reasoned and intelligent response in the face of such profound stupidity and intellectual dishonesty.

Not sure how much lower the alphabet soup media can go but at the moment the prize for Biggest Dumbass Of The Year rests securely in the talons of Brennan and CBS.

Congrats, Maggie!

Thank you for publicly documenting your continuing descent into utter irrelevance.


Should anyone ever ask you, tell them yes, <It's A Long Way To Tipperary>.

In the meantime, let's 23 Skidoo:


wow...5 Loki's...she must have been rich enough to hire lots of help


atop the Omni hotel in New Orleans <10 years ago>


#1 grandson serenading the city


beautiful New Orleans skyline



It's kinda ridiculous to live in a state known for its winter sports activities...


...and then complain about winter, and yet I often do.

So why do I live here?

Same reason most people live where they do - work and family.

We generally live where we make our money, and we generally make our money where we can be near our family and friends.


Even in today's age of hyperconnectivity that's made working remotely (often equated with remotely working) a reality, we still want to be close to those we love.

So I'm probably not going anywhere, in spite of my propensity to bellyache about the cold and snow.

Besides, I like whining...it's one of the few things in life I can still do pretty well, so there is that.

In the meantime, consider this truth from God's Word as you exit the AMC and re-enter life's fray:


later, mcm fans...